If I didn’t have a lifetime of miraculous happenings to help me remember that it’s ok to keep my heart open, I might be thinking that every not-so-good thing that happens is reason enough to shut my heart down by simmering in feelings of betrayal, anger, blame, frustration, abandonment, or distrust. In fact it’s all of those negative emotions that gave me the opportunity to practice to keep present to my heart space and honor my feelings, uncomfortable ones included. It’s the only way, I believe, that the energy of the feeling could run its course and teach me what it came to teach me. It does help that I can do self-healing energy work on my heart chakra, however, I have learned a few tricks I’ve used to keep an open heart despite the temptation to shut it down.
I had a lot of feelings to sift through coming from where I came, and many reasons to shut my heart down. I saw hypocrisy in the church and by my father, I experienced pressure to conform to social norms from people who couldn’t accept me as I was, I experienced the betrayal of people who claimed to be my friend only to find it was based on another framework that benefited them more than it did me. I’ve had plenty of experiences in which I was faced with the choice of suffering in frustration, anger and bitterness, and blame, shut myself down and walk away. I could close down for as long as my inner self thought it needed that to experience safety. Withdrawing and turning our hearts off is frequently out of a need to protect ourselves and to preserve whatever power we feel we have left, or to keep whatever sanity we have. But our turning off to one emotion means we have to shut out all of them. Plus turning ourselves off means we can’t share our hurts which means we cut ourselves off from the support of those who are willing to give us what we need. So what 3 things can we do to help us shift out of a closed heart to an open one that allows us the full range of emotional experience without needing to shut down in protective mode?
- Remembering we are fluid beings goes a long way towards helping us keep an open heart. It’s definitely hard to remember this especially when we are feeling wronged, tired or unsupported. But the fact of the matter is that we are not static and neither are those who may have wronged us, or with whom we find offense. Being fluid means change is imminent, even when we think “they will never change”. All things are always in flow which means it’s ok for us to have our dark feelings instead of closing ourselves off to them; it’s a necessary part of keeping our hearts open.
- It’s ok to have our feelings about anything, it’s counter productive to not share them by acting as if everything is ok simply because we feel we have no other choice. Sharing about the emotional aches and pains allows others to be present for us in supportive ways. Even though they may not be able to fix whatever circumstances or issue we are facing. Simply letting another in can lead us closer to feeling supported and therefore to a resolution. Closer than if we shut ourselves down.
- Remember that the ego part of us prefers to make general assumptions about the matter so it can somehow feel in control. These general assumptions often create the illusion that things are that way and that’s that, unless something else happens. This can cause us to shut down even more. An example of it that I’ve experienced has happened when my partner does a repeat of something that bothers me. It’s all too easy for me to conclude that he doesn’t care about me the way I care about him, this leaves my thought process thinking my only option of fixing it is to consider leaving. However, when I stop believing what the egoic part of myself is having me believe, (“he doesn’t care about me as much as I care about him” as a way
- To explain my emotional pain), and I can share with him from the place of pain that my heart is feeling, instead of a place of protective anger, he’s more able to offer me his support, instead of coming from a defensive place of feeling blamed or made wrong. Even sharing how I have conflicted feelings and identifying the part of myself that wants to blame out of frustration versus the part of myself that knows better to not go there, goes a far way in my keeping my heart space open. In turn this allows him to be open hearted with me. The same principle holds true in any friendship or relationship, tho admittedly it can be challenging. It’s worth it for the health of our hearts to keep it open, for shutting it down might immediately make things easier til the storm passes but it means shutting ourselves off to all the other good things too. As well it’s my personal belief that shutting down our hearts repeatedly over time can be the emotional foundation to physical heart issues. So it can ultimately be more than just an emotional experience.
Most of the ways we shut down are connected to the uncomfortable things we went thru in childhood. Even with the best parents and even if we had a family with enough money and never went without, no one escapes human woundedness. It’s part of the human experience designed to refine us and evolve us at a soul-level. This point is important to remember so that we know that we are not alone. Shutting ourselves down keeps us feeling protected but still feeling alone, but keeps us feeling safe though unsupported.
Perhaps this is why my intuitive healing practice includes reading the energy of a person to resolve those old wounds because it increases the ability to keep the heart open instead of shutting down. It makes the tenseness, stress and struggle, take on a different light, as we use energy healing techniques to transmute those energies of frustration and pain, into an array of options that delivers clients home to our hearts making them feel open and more receptive to solutions and more peaceful while dealing with trying circumstances. Sessions are designed to lead one back to the peace within them and to have them know and feel the love that they are. I hope you can use the 3 reminders I use personally to help keep the heart space open, but if you need any help I’m always just a phone call away or a short visit to Patadise Found on the 3rd Thurs of every month. To your health, wealth and happiness!