Meditation is to be aware of every thought and of every feeling, never to say it is right or wrong, but just to watch it and move with it. In that watching, you begin to understand the whole movement of thought and feeling. And out of this awareness comes silence.
The life we experience that unfolds right before each step we take is the product of our thinking combined with a deep, unspoken urge to somehow escape that life. As much as we love to cradle in our mind and heart all of the nuance of daily existence there is an equal love for silence. Silence is not a state of mind but the absence of mind. The absence of mind being in control. Truth and silence, the eternal “expression” with which our hearts resonate. And in silence all else may transpire.
Silence is so accurate.
Every sigh of relief recognizes that connection, “I am not this body/mind and therefore I am not the suffering associated with what seems to occur in relation to this body/mind.” What am I? The silence that is as a result of a lack of words to describe what “I” might be.
The heart of a child, not yet laden with ‘responsibility and conditioning’ sings a song of joy. Not yet are children immersed in probability rather than possibility. Children retain the freedom to ‘be’ for just a moment longer. Then in the next, all swept away by a seeming distance that is created between the inner voice of the heart and the domination of the mind. Suddenly everything has a reason or meaning and we set our selves on a path to discover the reason or meaning behind everything. Already we have forgotten that once we knew. What did we know? That I know nothing.
I think that inside every adult is the heart of a child. We just gradually convince ourselves that we have to act more like adults.
In moments of silence, the knowing or not knowing recedes as the tide from the shifting sands. Here I walk in silence, lifted from the cool and grit beneath my feet by the light reflected everywhere. The silence grows so that I hear the little stones that adorn the beach calling to me a reminder of youth and hours spent collecting for no reason at all. Each one that I touch, that I roll over and over in the palm of my hand is a heart that I have touched and so touches me. All hearts, one heart. And then, ‘I’ am not all all, never have been. The clouds drifting, whitecaps dancing, breeze whistling, that I am. Cresting, falling, disappearing and rising from nowhere into nothing; fully conscious of just ‘being’. Perhaps aware of the inhale and the exhale or the steady beating of that heart and the blood as it circulates through torso and limbs. All of this takes place without my interference; without a me.
When there is no ‘me’ that is liberation…
~Ashtavakra Gita (translation John Richards)
And everything goes on about me without my judgment or desire for anything to be any different than what it is.
April is predominantly Aries, first sign of the zodiac, I seek Self. There is an innocent approach to our endeavors in April that allows us to touch our heart, essence. The story unfolds rapidly and almost unceasingly. Each step we have taken has soon though, disappeared behind us and there is no more story to tell. The way forward is unknown and Aries, in true warrior fashion, approaches this unknown with bold determination, the Knight of Wands, the passionate crusader who will not be persuaded or cajoled into giving up the ‘quest’.
The month begins with Mercury retrograde in Aries. There is potential for thoughts to turn inward. And the restless mind in Aries questioning, will not find answers. A space occurs. Where there is space so there is silence. The mind is shocked in this silence–I don’t know what I thought I knew. There is an ah, hah that is recognizable by its lack of being anything; there is a crack and the light filters in (to paraphrase Leonard Cohen).
And like the Judgment card once we have been awakened by the angel’s trumpet, awakened to greater awareness there is no turning back and no pretending that you did not hear them ‘call your name’. Thoughts are not I and I is nothing to do with the past whence all of our thoughts originate. There is the realization that thoughts can be limiting when I am attached to them or feel that there is an I to whom these thoughts have relevance. The Eight of Swords, though somewhat grim looking is a card that portends success. Here in this bound state, unable to see or move, I realize that I am a slave to my mind that is in essence made of patterns just as these knots that bind me are created from a pattern.
If we can create the pattern we can also dissolve the pattern by no longer reinforcing it. A little focus is required to not engage with mind chatter as one might ordinarily do. Become the silent observer of what appears to be going on. What appears to be going on is through ‘my eyes only’, based on what our individual filters tell us. It takes courage and patience to explore this unknown realm. It can seem like a vulnerable place to be. The further you travel into the unfamiliar you will find that it is familiar indeed as you embrace what is always known to you, the true nature.
You’re waiting for a miracle to encourage you to enter your Heart. You plead, ‘Prove to me that I will be okay, and then I will surely let go.’ No. Let go.
~Mooji, White Fire
To enter silence, to know thyself, trust that letting go is the only way. We all let go in some way or another to recognize that all that we hold onto is an illusion, will cease to exist and that Truth remains.
We do not lose anything as nothing is ours to begin with. It is all taking place as naturally as the inhale and exhale without my interference. And without the thought that I must do anything for any reason, suddenly the body/mind relaxes and revels in the silence.