You know what emotional static is, right? It’s when you are interacting with someone and then a weird vibe unfolds, leaving one, or more people feeling uncomfortable in some way.
It can be due to something someone said or did (or even what they didn’t say or what they didn’t do); it can be about something that we said or did (or about something we didn’t say or didn’t do). All of us have had times where we have experienced emotional static within ourselves, or experienced it coming off the energy field of another.
Sometimes hidden static can exist hidden under a cozy blanket of denial or restrained under a barbed-wire fence of passive aggressive tones, but usually when the ‘feeling’ of static is present, it’s common for us to avoid having direct communication around it. Most of us are not trained in the art and skill of communicating in order to have our needs met, nor in the subtle use of energy-work to help lighten the energy in the room and in the space between ourselves and our cohorts.
In my opinion, emotional static or relational conflict is: a faint to distinct noticing of an inner discomfort between ourselves and another. This situational discomfort is the PhD Life Classroom of a spiritual/intuitive aspirant. This is because it’s in these arenas that we find the most rigorous training ground for developing self-honesty, clarity, patience, understanding and curiosity. Consider any present emotional static you might be aware of or moving through as a gift and blessing for your intuitive development.
My private sessions specialize in helping to navigate clients through these relational rough spaces so that every aspect of their lives can run smoother, from helping clients in their family lives, to their business and social networks. Areas of static can even impact our finances so it’s good to share some basics to help you navigate whatever you might be presently facing, although sometimes the complexities of a conflict and the duration of their existence require some expert guidance. My goal is to provide help at whatever level you feel is necessary.
So, what are some simple ground rules to go by when we find ourselves in need of resolving a static-ky situation? Below are 3 concepts with accompanying tools to help you clear the air, release any judgements or hurts, and feel connected and understood.
First, Be Mindful of 3 Key Concepts
#1. The need to feel respected and esteemed is Universal to the human experience. So is the painful experience of feeling dis-respected, over-looked, minimized and/or ignored. When feeling emotional static, it is usually due to any one or combination of these or related feelings, that is underneath the surface waiting to have the air of Light and Understanding to release and transform it.
#2. The normal knee-jerk ways our limbic brains cause us to cope with such discomfort is to do one of two (or a combination of the following two) things: the first of which is to blame and get angry with the person who we perceive is causing us the pain.
Remember limbic responses are all about survival and fear of danger. Remembering that it’s a knee-jerk response mechanism, can help us slow down to create new ways of speaking and behaving. Any conversation coming from a need to blame or avoid is likely to be unproductive.
I believe feelings and thoughts are choices and we are always co-creators and never victims, so to respond in a way that is not consistent with the truth that we are free agents over our thoughts and feelings, will leave us stuck in a state of disempowerment. As well, a person who believes they are getting blamed will very often become escalated and defensive (fight or flight limbic brain response), making any real connected conversation difficult and/or next to impossible, until both parties choose to come together in a neutral state.
Additionally, a person who is experiencing the pain of feeling over-looked, minimized, ignored or disrespected, is likely to also blame or judge in order to “protect” the self from the discomfort/danger (limbic brain reactivity). Blaming or avoiding based on the limbic brain programming can cause us to speak faster, mis-understand or mis-hear what is being said and or cause us to misunderstand what it is that we might be needing or wanting, which usually adds to the amount of static, escalating it.
#3. What we each are hungry for, need and require to come to a state of feeling connected and internally solid about ourselves and the world we occupy, is the sense of feeling understood by the someone who we are in conflict with and that the person who we are relating with conveys that they feel understood by us.
When both parties can gift each other with a degree of understanding, a sort of healing takes place in the energy between them and the quality of their personal energy fields is upgraded. The only confusing thing about this is very often the current person we are moving through a conflict with isn’t the first person who initially may have hurt or wronged us. However, the current situation is serving as a trigger to call out an old layer of emotional static that is aching for transformation.
We become a gift to the world at large when we understand our role in each instance of static and emotional discomfort, and that our ability to hold space for it’s resolution is a gift not only to ourselves and the other people involved, but it’s a gift to our communities and the energy of the planet overall.
So, the concepts can be summed up briefly here as:
1) All beings have the need to feel understood, esteemed, loved and respected; and likewise suffer when they perceive they are lacking in any of those states of consciousness. (What exactly is the feeling arising within you?)
2) It’s common to re-act to a present instance of static, from the limbic brain since present conflicts are usually triggers that stimulate old hurts to surface, so that deep healing and alignment can be gifted to us. (Where do you first remember the uncomfortable feeling arising within you?)
3) When we experience the feeling of being understood by another and when we can develop a large enough space within ourselves to understand what we most want out of an interaction, we are half-way there.
Additionally, when we can hold the space to understand the other and have the other express feeling understood by us, it’s the completed part of an equation that leaves all parties in a state of reconnection that automatically restores the emotional smoothness in any situation.
(Can we understand why someone would feel a certain way? Do we realize that all we need is for the other to validate how our feelings could be normal given a certain situation? Can we recognize that this might require that we make ourselves matter instead of making the other matter more?)
Tools of the Trade for Smoothing out Static
#1) Since your basic need for resolving emotional static is directly connected to feeling valued, cherished and important, you will be better served to slow down the limbic brain’s reactive tendencies by using slow rhythmic breathing to avoid getting attached to any number of judgements or tendencies that can lead to quickly taking offense.
It’s also valuable (but challenging) to remember that the other person is likely feeling under-valued or dis-enfranchised or dis-respected in ways that are likely not connected to you. When we are feeling attacked or dis-respected it is a huge challenge to acknowledge the light within a person, but tool #2 is connected to that.
#2) If you are in the moment handling something with someone, you may place your hand over your heart while listening to them and internally repeating this simple, but potent energy-healing affirmation:
“The light in me, bows to the light in you. Namaste to your Higher Soul. The Child of Light within me salutes the Child of Light within You. May we each be blessed with understanding, spiritual maturity, light, love and healing. Namaste, be in Peace!”
Even saying it internally will move the energy! It expands the width of the spiritual cord and opens the crown and heart chakras of both parties and can change the vibe quite quickly, depending on your practice and the receptivity level of the person speaking. The calling in of “spiritual maturity” will likely lend to the person a new understanding of themselves that only comes in the flash of a personal nature.
Remember that any notion or compulsion of needing to tell someone what we believe they must understand in order to heal works in opposition to healing and personal growth or evolution. No one likes to be told what or how to do something, but the spirit of a person, that is led into understanding according to their own time frame is more likely to be engaged in a meaningful burst of self-knowledge that leads to greater connection and personal presence, which will only make them more capable of being more present with you.
#3) It’s already a proven theory that when we mirror another person in the posturing of their body while chatting with them, that it creates a level of ease and trust. (Body Language by Julius Fast) This can be heightened when we mirror someone by listening to their personal expressions of how they are feeling and repeat it back to them in the exact words they used. Hearing us repeat back to them the expressions they uttered allows them to qualify if they feel understood by us and gives them a chance to clarify, in case we missed something.
Since both parties deserve to feel clearly understood and heard, then the other person can be asked to do the same for you. In this way a mirroring affect is accomplished that both cleans out misunderstandings, old hurt feelings, and paves the way for feeling more aligned and connected.
It’s a simple concept, but a sophisticated practice. You might be surprised how easy it is to hear someone incorrectly, and you might be surprised how quickly it can resolve when we effort to hold off on the anger, judgement and blame that is the hallmark of a need to protect an old hurt.
Challenging, But Worth IT!
It’s a common point of pain for me when my guy gets super focused and concentrates on work to the exclusion of normal partner-time, and my tendency has been to make it mean that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him, or that he isn’t making me as important to him as I feel I make him important to me.
Of course, feeling excluded isn’t fun, and being in want for connection with a partner who isn’t available, sucks. It’s particularly notable that in partnership our fears connected to feeling vulnerable rise to the surface immediately and can cause us to make sweeping conclusions that are not based on reality.
The fact that we do spend quality time together, and that I am confident he’s a sound partner for me, doesn’t necessarily make the static any less comfortable when it happens, but because we use these techniques and are able to mirror each other in our expressions, we are shifting into deeper states of connection, which is a joy and I’m sure speaks to the potential that exists for continued deepening.
Such can be your experience as you use the material here to begin to add healing energy to any area of emotional static you’re currently moving through. If you sense a need for some intuitive guidance and more tools to put to use, I can be seen at Paradise Found the 1st and 3rd Thursdays of every month, or book a private session in my office on State Street or via Skype. Energy-healing and intuitive readings are not limited by physicality, because everything is energy, but you already knew that! To your success and happiness! Lani