The #1 Self-Empowerment Killer
I wish I could say we didn’t need to experience times of self-doubt or second-guessing ourselves. But if we didn’t have those instances, neither would we be blessed with the inherent opportunity of getting to know ourselves more and having the chance to build a greater base of self-trust, self-confidence and personal empowerment.
I’m not dismissing the pain felt when we’re in doubt of our own abilities and perceptions. Nothing is more poisonous to our sense of self-empowerment than self-doubt. It’s uncomfortable for sure. But you can take heart in knowing you aren’t alone. Most of us have periods of self-doubt, and everyone knows what it’s like to be second-guessing themselves. You aren’t the only one, even though you may think you are.
Mind-noise contributes to self-doubt
From one angle it may appear that other people just have confidence automatically, or that trusting themselves just comes naturally. That might be partially true, as karma has a way of granting us differing degrees of inner strength and awarenesses depending on our Personal Universal Karmic Back Account. However, even these individuals are subject to the life classrooms that will cause them to face, work and heal tendencies to doubt themselves.
Self-doubt is a buy into separation, whereas self-trust, is a union of you with your Higher Soul, with the truest part of who you are. It’s where we experience ourselves coming home; when we feel the safety of experiencing ourselves as the Love we already are within. It’s just that sometimes we are still learning to sit through and quiet all the mind-noise that’s telling us otherwise.
So how can you lose the habit of doubting yourself, and create the new habit of self-trust? Habits are patterns built and held over time, enforced by many internal and external factors. Building new habits means changing the energetic relationship held in place by those factors. Perhaps we’ve developed the habit of doubting ourselves, because we were severely corrected or minimized in our younger years. Or maybe we experienced being overlooked, ignored or even outright emotionally abused or bullied. How we were treated as children tends to be how we internally treat ourselves.
Awareness fuels freedom from self-doubt
So, changing our relationship to those original incidents includes this first step of acknowledging any anger or resentment energy (usually stored in the front and back solar plexus chakra) by releasing the person(s) involved in those memories. This is done through the act of forgiving ourselves for believing any negative things we were taught about ourselves; and then forgiving any who taught us those negative beliefs which have undermined our degree of self-trust, self-esteem and self-confidence.
For example, if your younger you heard the words “be quiet, you don’t know what you’re talking about” or your caretaker did most of the talking and very little listening to you, your psyche may have been taught to believe “I don’t know what I’m talking about” or “I don’t deserve to be heard because it’s more important for other people to talk instead of me”. Then your mind which is part of the supercomputer that is your brain and consciousness, doubts what it wants to say, or doubts his or her ability to speak up and be heard and your body follows suit by not speaking up and not participating in the flow of life.
How do we discover what it is that our subconscious mindsets believe about us? Simply becoming aware of how we talk to ourselves will give us an idea of what we were taught to believe about ourselves. Our inner self-relational talk can reveal a lot to us about who or what we presently identify with and this deeper awareness can provide the motivation to grow into the empowered self-confident beings we are wanting to be.
Being kind with all parts of ourselves is a first step
Forgiving ourselves may sound strange. After all, it was other people that taught us these things about ourselves. It’s just that a part of us didn’t know any better but to believe them, and the only reason why we forgive ourselves is because we often fail to notice that long after the fact, we are choosing these beliefs out of habit or because that’s what we’ve been comfortable with.
For certain, it isn’t our fault that we were taught to have negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves, but it’s also true that supporting ourselves through forgiving & understanding the parts of us that have perpetuated those beliefs, is an act of kindness and compassion. How can we resist having kindness and compassion towards ourselves or at least those parts of ourselves that have been in self-doubt?
Listening closely to all parts of ourselves restores our sense of self-trust
Since the solar plexus psychologically corresponds to self-preservation, self-interest and personal self-regard, purification of the solar plexus from all negative energies happens automatically when we engage in any acts of forgiveness towards ourselves and others.
This is important because holding onto the denser energies of anger, or self-doubt congests the solar plexus which can even potentially lead to a host of physical ailments such as heartburn or digestive disorders. Why not try the below exercise to help heal your body, mind and heart, while conquering self-doubt?
Qualifying the internal act of forgiving with an external ceremony or ritual further cleanses and heals the solar plexus chakra, which leaves more space for higher soul energy to flood and heal your life.
Healing Ceremony for Self-Doubt
Try this brief healing ceremony that involves your breathing and some visualization. Options, if you have more time and space, include using essential oil of lavender, some sage or palo santo.
Sit with your back straight, connect your tongue to your palate and softly close your eyes. Notice I said “softly”, we are wanting to welcome in the energy of gentleness with our selves, as this process happens at a very subtle level. Keep in mind the energy we are releasing sometimes has a great deal of resistance at shifting, but especially if we are forceful with ourselves will we inhibit our releasing process.
As you softly close your eyes, invoke the guidance, assistance and protection of the healing angels or any unseen beings you have a connection with. End it with the feeling of it being done signified by the words, “in full faith, thank you”.
Now choose a memory that birthed feelings of self-doubt and recall the person who imposed their belief(s) on you, that you were at fault, or to blame, or less than, in any way. As you experience this memory notice where in your body you are feeling it.
Apply a few drops of lavender essential oil to this area to help loosen dense energies and or burn a little bit of palo santo around this area of the body as you affirm healing energy to claim your Self back from self-doubt. Ask for Source to cut any and all negative cords between you and this person, and/or memory. If you do not have lavender oil or sage available, invoking is enough.
Take 3-5 slow lower-rib-cage-expanding breaths into that part of your body by being aware of that location. Remember you are safe and merely tending to the tension in the body and not any person or any beliefs yet.
If you are not feeling it anywhere in your body you may breathe your awareness into your heart chakra/chest area, to activate the heart chakra, which then loosens any stuck energies getting ready to be released.
Since our bodies usually register uncomfortable emotions in tension or other notable sensations of discomfort or immobility, this exercise frees up the energy in the tissues to prepare for releasing it from our energy fields and from our subconscious mindsets.
3-5 breathing cycles should have you feeling quieter internally and a bit more spacious or looser in the body. If not, then place your hands in prayer position (palms together with thumbs touching your upper chest area) and do another 3 breaths (a breathing cycle is one inhalation and one exhalation). Allow your attention to rest at the crown chakra while breathing.
After this, allow yourself to hear the negative belief(s) fueling the self-doubt as if another part of you is sharing it as information only. If you effort to put the belief in an affirmative and first person sentence, (that another part of you has been relating to closely, and as if the real You is listening to it with curiosity and non-attachment) you are allowing yourself to interact with the subconscious aspect of the mind that’s been holding such beliefs as true.
For example: “whatever I say doesn’t matter” will not register in the subconscious. Instead the subconscious would register that as “whatever I say IS useless”. The word “IS” is the affirmative tense. It is easier to do this part of the exercise when you are feeling at one with the energy at your heart and crown.
When you are more identified with the Love, Light and Power that is Your True Nature, experienced from the heart and crown chakras, it’s easier to have a wider perspective and see or hear the belief(s) without feeling anything about it.
Forgiveness is easier when there is understanding. As you keep your awareness in the heart and crown energy, choose to know, “It’s understandable why a part of myself has been believing this. It was an idea that was conditioned into her/him (the part of yourself that’s been holding the belief) and that, at that time there were no other options available to the part of me which experienced the event or incident”. In fact, choose to know that the incident itself, helped your younger self to build some very strong tools for survival that are no longer serving your current goals.
When you feel sure that that younger part of you gets that it wasn’t his or her fault that they held onto and lived by that belief, take a breath into the heart and crown simultaneously and exhale into the whole body, visualizing brilliant white light filing up your internal space with light descending from 20 feet or more above your head. The nature of this light as divine energy is healing and its essence is love, mercy and power. So, you have already started the process of forgiveness…
On the first breath feel forgiveness and understanding towards the part of yourself that chose to believe this. On the second breath affirm that all parts of you are in the process of learning the opposite of this program.
In this example, it could sound like, “my thoughts and ideas matter and I’m allowed to feel heard without needing to feel doubtful”. So, on the second breath affirm, “My younger self is learning that her thoughts and ideas matter and she is allowed to feel heard without needing to doubt herself”.
The part of you that is holding the place of self-doubt will automatically get softer, as it integrates into the larger knowing part of your Higher Soul self. Do not end without affirming your patience for any future times your younger part of yourself may forget the new program and buy into self-doubt again. Simply say to the younger part of your Self, “we commit to being kind and patient as you learn this. Any time you forget, it will be okay, because we’ll affirm for you the opportunity to remember again.
End with a prayer or affirmation of gratitude for all that your younger self went through and for the new ways of being he/she is in process of deeply realizing. Open your eyes and feel into the newness of the spaciousness within you.
Practicing makes for progress not perfection
If you aren’t getting the intended results, go back to the former steps and feel into the essence of each part of the exercise, before moving on. The process itself is transforming even though we may initially not notice a major difference, so keep practicing. Conquering self-doubt is not a one time event, and even when you reach a space where you think you have it all mastered, you’ll find spaces where this ceremony will be useful for other instances in the future, because remember, you aren’t the only one on an ongoing, exciting spiritual journey. I’m right here with you!
This is the first in a series of articles exploring the practice of conquering self-doubt and living from a space of personal self-empowerment. Designed to give clients energy healing tools and combining energy-work with interpersonal relational work, Lani’s goal is to facilitate others in their transformational life journeys, while helping them to heal on all levels.
She can be found at Paradise Found on the 1st and 3rd Thursdays every month, and reached via email at [email protected] for any questions, comments or feedback.
Intuitive Readings & Energy Healing
If you are looking for clarity on any topic, Lani, who is a natural clairvoyant, clairsentient and clairaudient can provide practical guidance and insight into all matters of life. Her work is a culmination of 20 years of experience in practice helping thousands to find relief from emotional and physical pain and suffering, while at the same time turning clients onto their own Inner Power and Magnificence…View Profile